I don’t know why I do this to myself. I don’t know why I do this to Tom. I don’t know why Tom let’s me do this. All I know is that when Mimi (from 1972: The Retro WW Experiment), Yinzerella (From Dinner Is Served 1972) and Lexi (from After Apple Picking) asked me if I wanted to do a vintage recipe challenge involving gelatin, I said “yes”.
Yes!!!! Can you believe it???
Well, you actually can probably believe it.
At first, I thought everything would be okay. I submitted a recipe. We all giggled over email and Twitter. Mimi would tag things with #knoxapocalypse and we would all squeal in mock horror. Everyone else emailed me their chosen gelatin dish, and I drew random numbers and matched everyone up with a recipe.
And then it got real.
This is where things got off track. This is where things went wrong. This is where people got hurt after the fun and games. This is where I cooked up a bunch of liver and buttermilk and gelatin and put it in a blender.
This is Liver Pate En Masque.
Liver Pate En Masque
#14 Classic Adaptations
1974 Weight Watchers Recipe Cards
2 Envelopes unflavored gelatin
1 cup hot bouillon
1 pound cooked liver cut up
2 cups drained, canned French-style green beans
1/4 cup buttermilk
2 tbsp parsley flakes
2 tbsp wine vinegar
2 tbsp mustard
2 tbsp brandy extract (optional)
2 tsp onion powder
1/2 tsp salt
1/8 tsp pepper
1/8 tsp thyme leaves
1/8 tsp nutmeg
GLAZE* (see below for instructions)
Chicory to garnish
Radish slices to garnish
Sprinkle gelatin over bouillon in blender container. Add remaining ingredients except GLAZE and garnishes. Process at medium speed, until mixture is smooth. Pour into 1-quart mold. Chill until firm. Unmold and place on a flat platter. Coat with glaze. Chill.
Transfer excess glaze from platter to small pan. Place pan over bowl of warm water and stir vigorously until syrupy. Spoon glaze over liver loaf 3 or 4 times (or until all glaze is used), chilling until set after each coating. Garnish with chicory and radish slices. Makes 4 servings.
1 envelope unflavored gelatin
1/4 cup bouillon
1/4 cup buttermilk
1/2 tsp mustard
1/4 tsp onion salt
Articficial sweetener equal to 1/4 tsp sugar
Sprinkle Gelatin over bouillon in small saucpan. Stir over low heat until gelatin dissolves. Remove from heat. Stir in buttermilk, mustard, onion salt, salt and pepper. Cool. Add sweetener. Chill until syrupy
I actually don’t think there are enough swear words in the world for this one. Seriously. This whole post could just be obscenity after obscenity and it wouldn’t even give you an inkling of what it was like to make this.
How’s that for drama?
Not good enough? Well, how about we show you some shots of cooking liver?
Actually, the cooking liver wasn’t the horrible part. It actually smelled pretty good, and I started to hold out hope that maybe, just maybe, this would all end up tasting like pate.
But then, like most things on this blog, my hopes were dashed spectacularly and thoroughly by one insane ingredient.
This is two cups of French-cut canned green beans. Probably the most disgusting canned substance on earth besides skin-on bone-in canned salmon. (Tom’s note: I like canned green beans. In my single days I was known to eat them straight out of the can for dinner… ah, memories.)
Do you see that? How they are pressed up against the side of the blender like worms trying to escape from a foam cup? When you see stuff like that, it is always bad.
At this point, the smell coming off of this was horrendous. It smelled like rotten, vinegary liver. If you can even imagine that. Let’s just say you can’t even imagine how bad it smelled.
I probably should have blended it longer. There were chunks. I remember tears actually forming in my eyes as an especially large chunk glopped out of the blender and fell into the mold. I really, really didn’t want to eat this.
Oh man, look at the color!
Really didn’t want to eat it. Really.
Really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, didn’t want to.
“Really?” Tom was not a happy camper. “Is this it?”
“No. Not quite yet. It still needs glaze.”
“Glaze?!?! What the heck kind of glaze goes on this?”
I sighed. “You really don’t want to know.”
“It’s white! Why is it white??”
“Again: You do not want to know.”
I heaved a big sigh. “Okay, now it’s done.”
“What’s wrong with your eyes?”
“Are you crying?”
I sniffed. “No. Let’s just cut this thing and get it over with.”
“Will you stop pouring that white stuff all over everything!”
“It’s glaze, and it’s supposed to be on there!”
“I don’t know why I let you do this.”
“This is horrible.”
He threw down his fork. “Yes. It tastes like liver and vinegar and something else disgusting.”
“Yeah.” He shoved his plate away. “That’s it.”
The Verdict: Beyond terrible. Tom only ate one bite. ONE! And then I tried a bite. Then I spent five minutes running around the kitchen trying to find something to get the taste out of my mouth. Probably one of the only recipe tests that Tom was so disgusted by that he didn’t actually finish his serving! It was vinegary and pretty much tasted like liver, canned beans and buttermilk. NOT a good combo.
Want to find out how the other gelatin challenges went???? Check out: