To keep going with our vintage food Halloween countdown, I bring you creepy gelatin.
First of all, I just want to put it out there that I am in no way – no way – advocating serving a hideous mid-century gelatin to your party guests this Halloween.
Because, come on. It would be ridiculous. I mean, your friends and family come over to your house to have a good time. They come to eat good food. They don’t come over to be guinea pigs. Honestly, some of these aren’t even edible. They are made with crazy ingredient concoctions that just don’t make any sense, and taste like just for a moment when you were making them, you forgot that people have tastebuds.
And having friends is good. And having your family love you is good. You don’t want anyone to be afraid of your cooking, or refuse to come over to your house. Or have to call you up the day before a party to make sure that what your bringing to the party is actually food, and not something scary you found in an old cookbook. Trust me on this last one.
But if you were thinking about – just thinking– about serving your guests a hilariously horrible vintage gelatin as party of your terrifying Halloween spread, then have I got some choices for you!
The Edible –
These all have the distinction of actually being edible, perhaps even being pretty good. But I think they also have the potential to be hilarious as Halloween Food.
12. Barbecue Cheese Cracker Pie
There is so much to work with on this one. The crust is even festive! Doesn’t taste the greatest, but isn’t awful, either.
11. Hearty Corned Beef Salad
This would be hilarious molded into the shape of a head or a brain. It’s actually good. Tom enjoyed it, if that means anything to you. I know some of you think he isn’t the best gauge of whether or not a gelatin is horrible.
10. Seafoam Cantaloupe Pie
Did I hear someone say “Eyeball Pie”? Hmmm…maybe I was just thinking it loudly.
9. Jellied Tongues
This is the real deal, here. No faking it needed.
And don’t tell anyone it’s tongue until they’ve tried it.
8. Jellied Tomato-Olive Mold
An actual, edible tomato aspic. Red gelatin on Halloween? Yes, please! Oh, and it’s made with 7-Up which ends up being fun and it doesn’t taste as bad as you think it would.
7. Pickle and Pineapple Salad
Another candidate for “eyeball” treatment. This is also surprisingly edible. Think of it as a relish and you will be fine.
I don’t know about you, but if I saw this on a buffet table it would scare the be-jezus outta me. It just tastes like cold baked beans, so nothing too offensive.
The Inedible –
These are only for the very brave or foolhardy amongst you. You have been warned.
5. Frankfurter Macaroni Salad Loaf
No, thank you. Would be great as one of those creepy, gooey props in Halloween games where you pass things around in the dark and try to guess what they are. Bonus if you find a hot dog!
4. Jellied Cottage Cheese And Tomato Salad
It even looks like bleeding gums. And doesn’t taste the greatest, either.
3. Liver Pate En Masque
The really diabolical thing about this one is that it looks so unassuming. Except for the white goo, you might not guess it’s filled with liver, canned green beans and low-fat buttermilk. Surprise!
2. Cherry-Catsup Salad
If you ever had a burning desire to mix cherry, black olives and ketchup, feel free to indulge on Halloween!
1. California Prune Cream Salad
Whew, that’s it for now! Hope that wasn’t too scary. Next week will be cake. Real, actual cake with frosting. I promise.
Having read all of these hideous recipes several times, and finding them so entertaining that I’m actually tempted to make the liver pate en masque just for shits and giggles, once again I am imploring you to please venture forth into unknown culinary waters to bring us more of these hilarious results. Cookies and cakes are pretty foolproof. Gelatins, seafood salads and anything involving liver or tongue (especially combined) are downright horrifying. Please make my Halloween complete and return to the scary part of midcentury cooking.
Yours in gastronomical horror,
“doesn’t taste as bad as you think it would” is about where we set the bar on mid-century cooking! 😉
I do like the pickle and pineapple salad, we have it with turkey at thanksgiving!
This made my day!